Its been awhile since my last update. For that I am sorry. Things like always are busy in my world. I thought when I graduated things would slow down but that hasn’t really happened.

So here is a quick update on where  I am now.

* I graduated May 15th. It was amazing. I had several family members come to visit and I felt truly blessed and loved.
* I started job searching at the end of May pretty seriously. I have applied to loads of jobs and done two interviews. No word yet.
* I PASSED my National Counselor Exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was pretty big news and I just recently found out on June 21st. Thank you all so much for your prayers. I am so glad to have gotten through that exam. This means that I am now applying for a counseling licensure which I can’t really do until I find a state to work in. Once I get a job then the application process begins. If I move back home to Missouri I would become a Provisional Licensed Professional Counselor until I complete two years of supervised counseling. After that I am a licensed Professional Counselor. If I stay in Illinois I become a Licensed Professional Counselor and then after two years of supervised counseling and another exam I would be a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor.
* I have a job interview Tuesday June 29th at a Private Practice in St. Louis. Private Practices are a little harder to get started in because you have to build up your own clientel and there is no steady income in the beginning. This scares me a little.

During this season in my life I would appreciate your prayers.

* I am currently working part time at the library but the money is not enough to live off for very long. I don’t work enough hours to pay all of my expenses. I have been able to budget and cut down but its still pretty tight. Please pray that I find a full time job soon.
* My landlords are amazing people who only rent to Trinity students. Please pray that when I move out they are able to find a nice tenant quickly.
* As of right now I am leaning more and more towards moving back to St. Louis. The decision I have to make now is do I move before I have a job or wait until after I find one. And if I do move where do I move to. Pray for guidance and discernment in this area.

Although my life is still a little chaotic I am happy and am blessed. God has truly taken care of me in ways I could never have imagined. Thank you all for your support during these last three years at graduate school. I can’t believe its over.

Well, its done……..

On Saturday April 17th I took my national counselor exam (NCE). I knew five out of two hundred questions. I guessed on the rest of the 195. Eek! It was a hard test.

I don’t actually get my results for awhile. I should hear about it around the time I graduate. I am so nervous. I can’t even begin to imagine what it will mean for me if I do not pass. For right now we just pray.

Good news is that I am almost done with my internship. I turn in my final assignments on Tuesday and my last day of internship is May 13th. Craziness how fast this year has gone. It has flown by.

I don’t really have much else to say just wanted to update ya’ll on a few things. I would appreciate continued prayers as I try and navigate where God is calling me.

Sadly my site was down for a little while. Sorry to any of you who visited and were not able to find my fabulous posts.

The great news is I am back and ready to write. There really isn’t much to write about. My life really doesn’t change much.There are however a couple of big events coming up.

Tomorrow I am driving to Galena super early in the morning to spend the day with my dad, my sister April and her kids, and my sister Beth and her kids. I can’t stay long sadly because I have supervision class the next morning. But I am thankful for the time I get to see them. I haven’t really seen any of my family since Christmas. I am a huge family person. I miss them all loads.

April 17th is another huge date for me. On this day I take the National Counselor Exam. Sounds scary I know. Its a four hour test that basically tests me on my last three years of graduate school. Here’s hoping I pass. Not passing means not practicing… Eek.

May 15th is the only other big day I can think of right now. This is the day I graduate. Its hard to believe that I have spent almost three years here in Chicago working on my master’s.  You probably have begun to notice but grad school has changed me. I am not the same girl I was. Surprisingly enough, I got a personality. Craziness I know.

If any of you read my last post you know that I am still dealing with a lot of questions and a lot of unknowns. Nothing there has really changed. Still same questions still no answers. But right now I have peace that God will use me and direct me. Please pray that the peace continues and that I recognize God calling.

Please pray also that my heart remains protected. This is a random post of a lot of mixed up thoughts. I realize that. Welcome to my world. This is a little glimpse of how I think.
I have recently realized that I have no single friends that I actually spend time with. Sure I have friends from back home that are single or acquaintances that I occasionally see but out of all the people that I hang out with and see regularly none of them are single. It wasn’t always this way.  A lot of them were my single friends at one point. We gathered together prayed with one another and talked about what singleness meant to us. Now its just me and to be honest that stings a little. It opens an old wound that never really healed. I don’t really know who reads this so I am hesitant to share too much but lets just say I have someone in my life right now who is a QP ( quality potential). I use to be really good at telling if  a guy is interested or not and now I suck at it. Especially with this one person. I can’t read him. I can read most people. I can tell a lot about people just by the way they act and what they say. I cannot figure this person out and it frustrates me to no end. So pray that in the end my heart remains protected and that God is glorified above all else.

Alright well that’s all folks!

PS
If you hear of any counselor/social work positions opening up I would love to hear about them.

I am a planner. Its what I know, its what I do, its who I am. I make lists, I keep a planner, I have calenders everywhere. I structure and organize my life in a way that I know what is coming. I often wonder if God laughs at me. He looks at my lists and my calenders and shakes his head.

I am a planner to the core.

These past two weeks have shaken my core in a way I never imagined. I was stripped of all certainty and left with questions. I don’t do questions. I live in a world of answers.  Nevertheless, I began to realize that I will soon have no job, no apartment, no husband, and my car is slowly but surely dying. At one point in the past two weeks I thought my car was dead. I began car shopping and researching on top of job and apartment searching. My life became what if…. What if I get a job in Missouri? What if I get a job in Illinois? What if I don’t get a job at all? What if  I keep my apt? What if I move? Who will help me move? What if my car is not fixable? What if I find a car but not for the price I can pay? What if I can’t pay anything at all for a car? What if there is no one to help me with all of these decisions? What if I continue to live a life of singleness? What if my dad doesn’t wake up from surgery?

These questions swirled through my mind tangling with one another and causing confusion upon confusion. I spent every  night on my knees by my bed crying out to God for answers. I prayed for guidance, for an easier life, for the things I desired.

God heard my cry. God heard my desperation. God heard my heart and mind being unsettled with all of the unknowns and he answered me. “Be content” Two simple words…. I cried out to him for days and I get two words…. Really God?? Really.

Be Content

But what if I don’t want to be content. What if I don’t like my car? What if I am not ready to lose my dad? What if I want a job and I want it now?

Be content

Ok fine! Fine! I will be content….

I took my car in to get fixed even though I wanted a newer car. I decided it would be better to be content… Hm I wonder where I got that idea. Wherever it came from the idea began to become more and more comfortable. I like my car. It gets great gas mileage, there are no car payments, and it gets me from A to B. OK maybe getting it fixed won’t be so bad. I drop off my car and when I came back to get it I was fully expecting to pay about 600 for the repairs and labor. I look at the owner ask him how much it all cost and he said oh 150. My jaw dropped and my heart leaped. Thats much less than what I thought. I handed him my card and inwardly thanked God for knowing what was best for me.

Be content….

God is good. There are still many questions left unanswered but  God  will provide in His time. And until He does I need to……

Be Content

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see the end. It is so close I can hardly believe it.

I graduate in just four months. Four months and I will have my master’s in counseling psychology. Just the idea sounds foreign to me. I will have another degree. I never thought that I would continue after undergrad but here I am. All grown up, living on my own, and finishing up a three year master’s program. Hmm.

You know its hard to put these last three years into words. They have been the most exciting, challenging, scary, joyful, and sad years of my life. Is it possible to have all of that in three years. I have grown so much and learned about the person God has made me to the point that sometimes I surprise myself.

This past Christmas I was spending time with my sister and her family in Galena. My brother-in-law asked everybody what juice they would like to drink that morning. No one answered him. There were two options and both sounded good but one sounded better to me. I picked one and he looked at me blankly for several seconds. Then after an awkward pause he said, ” You just made a decision.” How funny is that. Just me making a decision through him. He didn’t know what to do. I do not make decisions. I say, “I don’t care” or “whatever”. I absolutely do not make decisions… Let me rephrase that… I absolutely DID not make decisions. I was so fearful of hurting peoples feelings or making a choice that no one else would like that for years I did not make decisions. I went with whatever everyone else wanted even if it made me unhappy. I came to graduate school with no idea who I was and no idea how to speak my mind.

Now I speak it quite freely. God has given me a voice in these years. Its funny to me because I came to graduate school so that I could give other people a voice. Who knew that I would find one of my own?!

I realize that my journey is not over. Its far from it. Even during these next four months life will be packed full of resume perfecting, job hunting, finding a state to work in, and possibly moving somewhere. There are a lot of decisions ahead of me. I have no idea where to go or what to do but I know that I can make a decision, that I do in fact have a voice, and that God is with me not matter where I go.

Have you ever heard the song “I will bring you home” by Michael Card? If not stop what you are doing… go to lala.com and search for that song. Listen to it. Hear the words. Let the message sink into your heart. That is the song of my life right now.

“Change my heart, Oh God- make it ever true. Change my heart oh God- may I be like you. You are the potter, I am the clay. Mold me and make me, this is what I pray.”

Change my heart…. This song has been running through my head on and off for the past week. I recently have been praying about a lot of things and have been wondering if I pray the right way. I know most of the times my prayers are incredibly selfish. I pray for things I want, I pray for myself.

God placed this idea on my heart however, that I was not praying as best as I could be. Instead of praying for all the things I thought I wanted I should be praying for God to change my heart to match his.

God is perfect and loving and kind and powerful. Changing my heart is not an easy thing. I am dirty and broken and ashamed.

God is changing me however and its not easy. The pain involved in molding a hard pieced of clay that has cracks and dirty on it is great. The pain is worth it nonetheless.

I’m back.  I come and go with this blog. Sometimes I love having it and sometimes I feel it as a burden. If people are reading it than I feel a pressure to update it. Time is not on my side right now so writing just doesn’t really happen. I am sorry. But I am writing now so here is an update on my journey to someday owning a ranch- which some of you may remember was the original purpose of this blog. My brother helped me create it so I could write about my journey until I get my ranch and then use the site for my ranch.So here is my update.

Two weeks ago I took a little exam called the COMPS. They are a comprehensive exam that measures what I have learned in all of my classes. We are given 4 hours for 160 multiple choice options and 2. 5 hours for an essay.

The good news is I finished both sections on time and left nothing blank. The bad news is that I won’t find out the results for another month. I honestly do not know how I did so don’t ask. I don’t have an answer it was hard to judge how I did. If I do not pass I can take them again in the spring. I have to pass in order to graduate.

Another exam I will be taking in the spring is the NCE. This stands for National Counselor Exam. This is an exam I have to take for licensure. Then I pick a state. I need to practice in that state for two years and I can be licensed in the state.

Here is the problem. Here is what you are not allowed to ask me about. I do not know where I am going. I do not know what state to pick and I do not know where I will be living after graduation. Yes I realize I graduate in May and yes I realize that I need to find a job. But no I do not have all the answers at this point.

The good news is that I am single so I can go pretty much anywhere. I would like to go back to Missouri. But right now I think I need to go where the job is and where the Lord is calling me. Lately more and more people have begun to ask me what I am doing when I graduate. So for all of you who are wondering here is my answer. I DON’T KNOW…. I just don’t know at this point. I am taking suggestions. And I am taking prayer. Please pray that I know where it is God wants me.

Ok that is all I have for write now. If there is something specific you want me to write about just let me know. I am open to suggestions. As for now just know that I am ok. My journey is constantly changing and teaching me. I am coming to a cross road soon but I am praying that God puts a sign up that points me in the right direction. As for now I am just walking along the road.

As usual I don’t have a ton of time to write. I am actually suppose to be studying for the class I have in two hours. Eek. I really need to read three chapters before class. Here’s the problem though. I can’t focus. Too many things are racing through my brain preventing me from sitting down and just reading. It aggravates me to no end but I know that I have to clear my mind before I try and read otherwise I will get no where.

There are a couple of things that I would really appreciate prayer on. I don’t know who reads this if anyone but if you do please pray for me. Pray that I get through this semester and year full of tests and requirements. I have COMPS on next Friday. It is a six hour exam  that basically decides whether or not I graduate. Ya it’s a lot of pressure. Pressure that I do not handle very well. On top of that I am doing internship, work,  youth group, and taking a ridiculously hard class. I am at my wits end. I need help and I need prayer. I am weary. Pray that God gives me strength and brings me through this time of my life. Pray that God uses me in ways I never imagined and makes my life make sense. I need focus, guidance, and direction. Soon I have to start finding a job which means finding a place to live and there are so many little details that have to be figured out.

Which in a random way brings me to a new topic that I need prayer about. Currently I am praying for patience. I need patience in my regards to my singleness. Don’t get me wrong I am actually really enjoying being single and being so free to help in ministry and my friends lives. But what I do not like is that awkward stage where you think something may be happening but ultimately you aren’t sure. Have I mentioned that I am a girl and girls over analyze everything. Just the possibility of something makes my brain spin in a thousand different directions. I would be happier not being interestd in anyone I think. But that is just not how it is right now. Fact of the matter is that I am in that awkward part where I analyze everything down to the way a person says hi to me. I say this partly with a smile and partly with frustration. I cannot be thinking about boys right now. I have so many other things that need my attention. Please pray for peace, patience, and faith.

Thank you so much for reading my blog and for letting me write about what is on my heart. I hope you know that if you ever need someone to pray for you I would love to.

Have a blessed day and  know that you are loved.

Caiti

Its that time of year. Everyone is on vacation whether some where far away or just taking a break from work or school.  Summer for most is the time to relax, unwind, and get away from the stress that plagues you.

Sadly, my summer has not been that kind of summer. It has been a summer full of work, classes, and internship. All three of which I am extremely grateful for but I am beginning to feel burned out and the fall semester has not even begun.

However, I am writing because I have good news. Vacations are coming my way. This weekend Friday morning through Monday morning I am going to Galena. That is where my sister and her family live, as well as my dad. In Galena this weekend they are having outside sales as well as the local farmers market. I am so excited. I get to unwind with my family and do a little shopping. Although I may be busy it will be a restful stress less (hopefully) weekend.

The weekend following that I am hoping to go to St.Louis. I have a dear friend my best friend actually who lives in Ireland. I never get to see her. She recently just had a little baby boy and I long to hold him. She is in St.Louis visiting with her family so I am hoping to take the bus down and spend some time with her and her fabulous family. I can’t wait!

This is perfect timing. I start school at the end of August and I long to feel as if I have had a summer at all. I am almost finished. One more year. There is hope that if I can get through this next year, two major ( and i mean MAJOR) exams, my internship, and one class I WILL HAVE MY MASTERS!!!!!!!!!!! Hallelujah!

I am sitting at internship right now. I am between clients. And I need a minute for just me. Thoughts are swirling around my head and I just need to write. Its funny because I encourage other people to write when they are stressed but it is often times the last thing on my list.

I’m tired. I am so ready for this year to be over and the school year hasn’t even started. How can that be? I am exhausted.

My current struggle is scheduling. I work and I have an internship and both places have to be happy. Luckily I just managed to salvage a little happiness for both sites but it will leave me temporarily without a social life. My weekends will be jam packed full of work and my week days full of internship and class. 

I am beginning to complain and for that I am sorry. Lately I am trying to be more joyful and thankful for what I have. God is truly working in my life and for that I am amazed.

Ok I long to write more but the day is going and I need to move on to my next meeting. I will try to write more later.

Have a fabulous day and remember that God is Great!